I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
