never play flip cup with pint glasses
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
