so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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