Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
