Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
