The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize