She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
