two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
