Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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