i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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