so explain again why im purple
no
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
