I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
