He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
