i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
