the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
