You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize