be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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