Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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