he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
