I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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