I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
