capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
