R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
