so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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