So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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