This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
