i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
