Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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