and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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