Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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