There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
