when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
