Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize