Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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