What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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