Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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