can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
