Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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