'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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