and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
