just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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