watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
