They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
