I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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