I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
