thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
