What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
