he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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