i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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