I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
