I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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