Swine flu. Run for my life!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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