she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
