3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
