Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
