I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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