i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
