You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
