There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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