Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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