After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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