i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
