What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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