my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
