You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
