Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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