Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
