Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
we're so committed to being not committed
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
