you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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