The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
